There is a sensitivity thing that some people have. I don't have it.

Husband has just been through dental surgery. 

Something about his gums…  I heard the words ‘scrape’, ‘peel back’, and ‘sew up gum pockets’ and figured I had heard enough to get the gist of the horror.

He went in a couple weeks ago and had this done.  He came home with a puffy puppy dog face and this strange gauze-like packing lining on both sides of his upper gums that he had to wear for about 7 days.

He also had to have 12 needles in the upper jaw and he was awake for sound symphony of the ungodly dental power tools.  

Husband is convinced these were the very same instruments used to kill Braveheart.

He went back in last week to have the packing removed.  His mouth will be sore for another couple weeks until it is fully healed. 

He got the special Tylenols.

My mother-in-law kindly called and wanted to know if I wanted to drive down to pick up and borrow her smaller blender. 

The silence on my end of the phone tipped her off that I was confused.

So she explained that I would need it to be able to make homemade meals of broth, soft meat & veggies for him.  She expects I will want to blend them and serve the warm mush to Husband as he recovers.

I bought him a couple weeks’ worth of frozen Hungryman dinners at Walmart instead. 

They were on sale.

He shares them with the cat.

He eats the mashed potatoes.  She gets the chewier turkey section. 

I think they fight over the brownie.  The cat thinks it's meat.

I know I should feel worse about this.

But, I can't tell you how thrilled I am to have found something the geriatric cat will actually eat.

That, and, as a woman who went through 2 years of daily stirrups spread-ems, countless needles, side-effect inducing pills, and painful corrective surgeries etc. mostly alone - it is hard to feel for Husband at this time.

I’m not unfeeling about what Husband has been through, but clearly, I am too bitter to blend.  And, I took his special Tylenols for my next menstrual cramps.

In the middle of my treatments, I had such deep purple bruising across my full stomach, I eventually I had no other choice but to give myself needles into the bruise itself as there was nowhere left.  And, I was simultaneously shooting needles full of thick oil into my ass, that not only needed to be warmed up, but they took 20-30 seconds to fully discharge, and left welts that ached for weeks.  My ass was like a black diamond run full of moguls that even Steve Podborski wouldn't attempt. 

Meanwhile, Husband got free porn, alone time & like, two dozen Dixie cups.

I realize there should be no comparison.

However, the "Life's Unfair" soapbox is not one Husband should get up on in front of me.  And he knows it.  There are too many creative ways for Wife to bring him back down.

For now, Hungryman meals are our symbolic middle ground.  That is, as long as he shares them with the cat.

And besides, it couldn't have been that bad.  Everyone knows Braveheart was really killed with a vaginal speculum.

© Christy Pieroway and "Am I Blogging Nuts? Don't Answer That." cpieroway.blogspot.ca, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christy Pieroway and "Am I Blogging Nuts?  Don't Answer That." cpieroway.blogspot.ca with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.