These are the ABC's of me, Baby!

About this Blog:

Despite my ability to procreate, I am not sure this should be a “Mommy Blog” as the last thing I should likely do is dish out “Mommy” advice or set a parental example, good or bad.

In my former sales job, I was often the ‘alpha female’ in the boardroom and even a tall curly-haired stand in for the ‘alpha male’. 

However, in my Mommy group, I am a piss stained bottom feeder oblivious to my nipple hanging out.  I was also voted "Mommy Most likely to be out of Ketchup".

So the content of this blog is to be determined. 

About the Fam:

The first kidlet came in August of 2007 and was a non-sleeper.  I thought I mastered in sleep deprivation in the early ‘90s when I was a drunken party girl/Econ student at the University of Waterloo.  Turns out, my first child could inflict more nightly pain on me than a bar long lineup of flaming shots of tequila.  He could say “NO” for about a year before he ever said “YES”.  He dislikes school, loves pylons, water sliding & bike riding.

 

The second kidlet came in March of 2012 and was a result of over 2 years of intense hormone therapy & acupuncture & IVF hell.  For the purposes of this blog - I will call him Niblet.  He smells like cookies & is a perfect smiling, what-dreams-are-made-of-easy-baby who could make me look as put together as Gwyneth Paltrow, but not surprisingly, I don’t even come close.  I am sure it is just because I still eat meat.

I also have one Guyanese computer dork husband with obscure taste in music.  I met my husband in a bar.  No surprise there.  He is 5ft.8” and had no idea that I was 5ft.11” until the alcohol wore off (or technically 6ft.2” in the heels I was wearing that night).  I do not recommend you ask him what he does for a living, unless you are looking for a cure for chronic insomnia.  He still has the sexiest calves I have ever seen, but on the flipside he can’t play or shuffle cards.  My pet peeve is his inability to order anything at a drive thru.  That metal speaker box gives him mind crippling stage fright and he sounds like a deranged Rain Man/Homer Simpson hybrid.  OMG, nails on a chalkboard...I just want large coffee with double milk, now.

My oldest kidlet swears.  Well, he tries to swear, but he is a bit off the mark dropping the f-bomb.  He is the one running about the school yard teaching your child to scream “FOX” at you, like a true size 4/5 badass.  It’s actually a hard one to discipline as technically “FOX” isn’t a bad word.  At first, when he would curse “FOX” at us we would ignore his intent and yell out random animal names in response like “ANT EATER” or “SQUIRREL”.  Naturally, we would get a half eye roll in response for being so lame.

My best friend thinks my youngest kidlet has troll doll hair. 

And he does, so did his brother. 

My youngest also doesn’t need me.  Seriously, from what I’ve heard, chia pets are more high maintenance than this baby.  It borders on insulting really as, here I am at home, dedicating my life to him.  He needs to need me soon or… I wish I knew how to finish that sentence. 

I have a 91 year old grandmother named Thelma who has regular & spectacular bouts of geriatric defiance.  She will leave her safety walker under a mountain of clothes and shuffle about with a kitchen chair sliding on an upside-down bathmat.  Did I mention her biggest fear in life is falling?

They are my life & loves.  I'm addicted.

© Christy Pieroway and "Am I Blogging Nuts? Don't Answer That." cpieroway.blogspot.ca, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christy Pieroway and "Am I Blogging Nuts?  Don't Answer That." cpieroway.blogspot.ca with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.