Jump in my nightmare, the water's warm!

Late August, Kidlet #1 and I went to the Ontario Science Centre. 

Being into anything high sensory that soaks, stains or obliterates clothing at the beginning of any outing, Kidlet immediately wanted to play at the water table.  Swell.

As we approached the area, I noticed that all the seemingly-with-it-Moms had secured these rather ineffectual pseudo-protective plastic smocks for their kids.  Naturally, there were only enough vests for about 2 in every 25 kids.  It would be another survival of the fittest Mommy moment for me.  My kid just had to have one. 

I stalked families who looked like they were about to leave.  They looked at me irritated.  It’s not like their minivans haven’t similarly tracked me for my SUV sized parking spot at the shopping mall on December 24^th, is it?  We’ve all been there.

Kidlet was getting impatient.

This wasn’t working. 

Darwin, don’t count me out. Change tactics.  Use the Mommy force...

Okay.

Every mother knows that when little kids put their hands in water or anything moist, it is unfailing that they immediately have to urinate.  So, I quickly surveyed the entire section for the weakest link.  There had to be a kid here somewhere, who was mid Michael Jackson’s signature toe stand, grasping desperately at their crotch.

There he is - I see him!

I saddled up to mini-M.J. and I just happened to mention the location of the potty in casual conversation.   

He made his choice. 

Off he went. 

Secure one Mommy point.

I confiscated the smock and whipped it over Kidlet’s head.  Kidlet took off and bounced from the bubble blowing station to the large central table with boats.  He finally settled at the smaller water table to build water tubes & towers.  It was crowded, but Kidlet waited his turn until he secured a water faucet.  He was very content.  I hung back about 10-15 ft., letting him do his brain expanding science thing. 

Secure another Mommy point.  I was on a roll.

After a number of exchanges of kids later, an older boy with Dwarfism moved in beside Kidlet.  They played side by side for a while, until this kid started grabbing at Kidlet’s faucet and tower in a blatant and hostile water tower takeover. 

The black bar is my attempt to protect his identity.

Kidlet held on tight and muttered something at the boy I couldn’t quite hear.

The kid with Dwarfism started to get rough and was downright pushing Kidlet & pulling the water tubes out of Kidlet’s hands.  Kidlet barked something & snatched them back.

Somewhat stunned, Kidlet looked up at me with big brown eyes that screamed “ARE YOU SEEING THIS??”

No one touches my kid!  Here comes his 5ft-11" Mommy!  See how you like that!

I already was on my way to swoop in, straighten out the toys, and give my best Mommy lecture on taking turns to settle it. 

Wait. Whoa. Kill the Mommy motor.

When else am I going to have such a ring side seat to see just how my Kidlet will handle this bully?  I’m not on his school playground.  Kidlet is practically an only child.

So I caught myself.

Let’s see what Kidlet does.  Let’s see if they can sort it out themselves. What’s the name of that turtle in ‘Finding Nemo’ who watches his kid spin out on the E.A.C?  Well, I’m just as parentally cool, man.

There was no doubt, Kidlet was under attack. 

The dwarf kid was starting to elbow and shove. 

My head was spinning.  So far, my Kidlet was holding his own ground.

Double Wait:  Is this a fair fight??!!

The kid with dwarfism looked to be about 7 or 8 years old to Kidlet’s 5 years – so he should know much better.  But, Kidlet was much taller and clearly had size in his favor.

Tough call, where is this on the political correctness scale?

My mind couldn’t spit out an answer fast enough and the shoving was escalating quickly. 

A friend of mine had always told me, as long as her kid didn’t throw the first punch, she would always defend him for defending himself.  I had always agreed with her wholeheartedly.  Was this my chance to show Kidlet I’m his wingman/Mommy?

Trust me.  It is much harder in the moment.  I even surprised myself at my ability to stay out of it - especially, given the circumstances.

Triple Wait:  Is this really happening?

Do I really let my Kidlet get into this with a kid with Dwarfism (of all little people, no pun intended) in middle of the family friendly Science Centre? 

That is a multi-part question.  Damn.

Uhmmmmmm…Yes!  We don’t discriminate here!

Kidlet was clearly shocked and caught off guard that the struggle was still ensuing.  He looked at me for some kind of signal of what to do.

I mentally passed Kidlet the vintage 1984 Karate Kid dojo headband I once saw in a Halloween store.  I leaned back, inflated my lactating breasts, crossed my arms, and gave Kidlet the most confident Mr. Miyagi head nod I could conger up.

Now, it wasn’t like Kidlet was in the flying crane position or anything, but he needed to know I was on board with him defending himself – to a point.

Kidlet was re-energized and kept pulling, all the while telling this kid to ‘LET GO’. 

That’s it buddy, use your loud words!

I surveyed the area to see if I could identify any parental unit that belonged to the bully.  There was no one obvious, but there was a blond woman behind me intently watching this all go down.  The bully was also blond.  She was doing nothing.  But, I made a mental note of her location, should I have made some horrible error in judgment, and this unravel into some kind of tag team WWF thing short one cage.

The altercation continued to get verbal, and by now, elbows from both sides were flying.  Nothing too rough, but it was a struggle.

I started praying Kidlet would not tell this bully to “FOX OFF”.  It clearly was not the moment for me to try and deflect his fledgling swearing habit with a chime in of ‘ANT EATER, SQUIRREL, MOOSE ON!!!’

This confrontation was weird & controversial enough without it sounding like I have some kind of mammal-based mutation of Tourette's syndrome myself.

It was clear that I was Kidlet’s Mommy by the number of times he was visually checking in with me.  Even the other kid figured out who I was, and soon both kids were looking to see if I was going to get involved.

I held firm Miyagi stance. 

Pass me any chopsticks; I'll catch that damn fly!

A couple half-hearted yanks later, the bully backed down.  

He left the water tubes to Kidlet and moved on to pester a smaller kid at another table. 

I breathed a sigh of relief and watched as Kidlet simply returned to his water structures.

Good Kidlet-san. 

Miyagi have hope for you.

© Christy Pieroway and "Am I Blogging Nuts? Don't Answer That." cpieroway.blogspot.ca, 2012. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this blog’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Christy Pieroway and "Am I Blogging Nuts?  Don't Answer That." cpieroway.blogspot.ca with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.